basket case.

i feel like a basket case on the inside.
today was one of those days where i tried really hard to have it all go perfectly and then boom it didn’t, it didn’t go good and it wasn’t perfect. don’t you hate that?! i feel like that is always my intent on a monday, to try really hard to keep things calm and positive because i mean there are like 4 more days left in the work week. well today didn’t go that way at all… it was horribly difficult and i wanted to be a basket case on the outside.
the 26 year old adult in me held it together and kept it inside but then you know i thought … that probably isn’t the greatest thing either. and then i felt stuck, stuck with how i felt and how i wanted to feel, what i wanted to do and what i had to do.
i’m not sure if you have ever felt those feelings but they are tough to ignore.
it’s days like today that i’m reminded that i am an adult and that sometimes i don’t know how to be. i really haven’t learned how to eat my feelings. haha, i know that sounds weird but it was my best description. sometimes i feel things so deeply that i can’t ignore them and in my head i feel like a true adult has mastered this. lately i’ve been feeling like “yeah i totally understand the terrible two temper tantrums” – and that is crazy right?! but i do. i get it, when your little you are stuck in this weird non communicative state and only are able to go off of what you want or feel. so when things don’t go your way you sit, fall, fling, collapse down and flail about- there are tears and loud sobs and heightened feelings.
well people i feel like doing just that- on the inside but understand that it’s socially acceptable to NOT do this at all or ever on the outside. so i mean at least i’ve mastered that part but what do i do with all that on the inside? do you know? because right now i don’t besides the option of having it eat away at my soul little by little… (too dramatic?)
anyway, i probably sound like i’m whining and i sort of am but really HOW DO ADULTS IGNORE THEIR FEELINGS. i need to know, for a friend of course.
please let me know asap or else i fear my heart will become a black hole of nothingness.
again, i’m being too dramatic i’m sorry. i’ll just go back to hugging my cat and hoping for world peace.
afterlight-1
p.s. i love pajamas- what’s it to you?

2 Comments

  1. I think that should you ever take a trip to Ireland , we should meet up and talk about this. And of course about other more fun things.

    ps As I get older, I’ve learned that my tendencies to bottle up emotions are really not healthy. So for the important things, I let it out. Sometimes people listen better. Sometimes people don’t.
    pps. I tend to really like the people that listen better. The other people aren’t worth the energy. (although I still do care)
    pops Told you we should talk about it.

    • aj

      Rincy,
      funny story- I am planning a trip to Ireland this summer, got the tickets and everything. That’s how I came across your blog in the first place, I thought to myself that the best way to find the in’s and out’s was through a local and poof! there was your blog 🙂 but, i would seriously l o v e that! Thanks for the sweet note on this blog though, I serious feel so alone in how I feel sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that I’m not just crazy. I think your right, expressing and feeling emotions is a gift in today’s society. I suppose that I still feel like my vulnerability is a weakness and I have to appear to have it all together to others… but even typing that I know that is a crazy thought. Seriously – thank you! I’d love to meet you and chat but of course there is no pressure on that! -xox

Leave a Comment