On a personal note life has been really rough lately.
The kind of rough were you literally feel like your drowning while having both feet on solid ground. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get the hang of ‘letting it go’ because I just let my stress and life’s pressures add till I break. I was thinking today that I hate social media in times like these because all it shows me is the best, the best of someone’s day, the funny moment, the perfect dinner or cake, vacation or outfit… it always makes me feel like 1. I have to do everything and do it all super well (plus trendy and cute) and 2. That my life is less fun, less cool and that kinda makes me fell like…I fail.
While I am a self identified people pleaser, pleasing people can be the worst thing ever. Especially when said people have nothing but negative things to say anyway. Sometimes I wish I was a big ball of happy energy and I just could deflect all the crap but sadly… I eat it up to the point were I feel sad and defeated.
I’m finding it so hard to find the balance of myself and the balance of the person that so many other people are wanting and needing me to be—it’s such a perplexing idea to me that we have to wear so many different hats. I’m under the notion that I (we) can do lots of things but we can’t do them all very well, but when life forces you to give more attention to an area you don’t want to be giving attention to– then what? What do you do? I certainly don’t know what to do but tread water and hope for the best.
This plan isn’t working out so well and frankly I’m not sure that my back up energy source will last much longer. I get nervous when I think about the idea that maybe what’s best for me isn’t what society says it is. It’s scary because if I’ve grown accustom to living a certain way, working a certain way then to break that notion and head a different direction is like… THE SCARIEST THING I COULD DO. Haha, I’m sorry that I’m rambling but I just needed to do it. I just know that I feel exhausted and defeated and like all the “travelers” of life are just going to get the best of me.
I’d like to say I’d appreciate some advice on balance and letting things go but I don’t really want any advice. I just want to be heard and to be understood in my confusion, exhaustion and slight defeat. I’d like to know I’m not alone in thinking that what we need more than balance is to feel 100% being true to ourselves and our needs- even if that means we can’t make changes right away. I just want to feel like this super ideal that we’ve all created of life and our own lives is addressed as only part of the truth.
Focusing on the good moments is the treasure of life but sharing in the painful and confusing moments can bring just as much joy. Sigh…
Thanks for listening.
P.S. A traveler is a person who is sorta crazy and sucks the life energy right out of you. You can reference the term to 1. Fringe and 2. The Vampire Diaries.- Thanks