Archive for January, 2014

Lets be real. Pinterest can be annoying and can take up a ridiculous amount of our time- BUT I sort of just (still) really love it. For me after a long day at work I’m in like this mind funk. I’m not really thinking I’m not really doing anything I’m just there… pinterest always helps me out. Honestly it’s sort of like I’m some what hypnotized by my day and pinterest is that snap of someone’s fingers. I like looking at all the pretty pictures and reminding myself that I can make pretty food or a pretty outfit or reflect on some pretty cool words. S I G H.

 

You may hate pinterest or you may have not heard of it but if you on it then follow me and I’ll follow you and we will just have pretty great time.

 

Seriously though sometimes it’s just a great refresher for me because you can come across yummy things like this to make

cups

(from ohsehglows.com)

 

or you can see cute things like this,

animals

(from: http://wiildantlers.tumblr.com/post/72219470665/mallowtree-jaimedoit-gingerhink)

 

you can find awesome DIY projects (that I hope to someday accomplish) like this,

potholder

(from: http://www.marthastewart.com/sites/files/marthastewart.com/imagecache/img_360x450/images/content/pub/ms_living/2005Q1/la101194_0205_potholders_hd.jpg )

 

I also head to pinterest when I need good reminders like these wonderful words,

quote

(from: www.8sa.net/quote-of-the-day-27-july-2012/ )

 

also, I just get overall inspired by beautiful things like this

glitter

(from: http://fotografi-as.tumblr.com/ )

tree

(from: http://zoltanjokay.de/zoltanblog/2011/02/eva-leitolf-postcards-from-europe-work-in-progress-2/ )

 

paul

(1, yes- that’s Paul McCartney and this is from: http://theheavingsurface.tumblr.com/post/33219796561 )

style

catus

(from: http://thenletitbe.tumblr.com/ )

 

 

So, anyways I hope I haven’t bored you with all these random pictures- I’m just feeling a little grateful for this social media outlet. Some days it just brings the spark back to my brain and for that I’m sort of eternally grateful because…. Hello?! If I let the spark go out in my brain I will FOR SURE turn into a dementor.

 

Don’t know what a dementor is well you definitely should but it’s.

  1. An Evil and fearsome creature. It’s also a real word from Latin (demens) or (demento) which was re-popularized by the Harry Potter series.

Okay, so now go join pinterest or add me on pinterest and we can further our friendship over perfect looking desserts, bouquets and cat pictures!

http://www.pinterest.com/andiejanexox/

xoxo,

Jane

 

 

basket case.

i feel like a basket case on the inside.
today was one of those days where i tried really hard to have it all go perfectly and then boom it didn’t, it didn’t go good and it wasn’t perfect. don’t you hate that?! i feel like that is always my intent on a monday, to try really hard to keep things calm and positive because i mean there are like 4 more days left in the work week. well today didn’t go that way at all… it was horribly difficult and i wanted to be a basket case on the outside.
the 26 year old adult in me held it together and kept it inside but then you know i thought … that probably isn’t the greatest thing either. and then i felt stuck, stuck with how i felt and how i wanted to feel, what i wanted to do and what i had to do.
i’m not sure if you have ever felt those feelings but they are tough to ignore.
it’s days like today that i’m reminded that i am an adult and that sometimes i don’t know how to be. i really haven’t learned how to eat my feelings. haha, i know that sounds weird but it was my best description. sometimes i feel things so deeply that i can’t ignore them and in my head i feel like a true adult has mastered this. lately i’ve been feeling like “yeah i totally understand the terrible two temper tantrums” – and that is crazy right?! but i do. i get it, when your little you are stuck in this weird non communicative state and only are able to go off of what you want or feel. so when things don’t go your way you sit, fall, fling, collapse down and flail about- there are tears and loud sobs and heightened feelings.
well people i feel like doing just that- on the inside but understand that it’s socially acceptable to NOT do this at all or ever on the outside. so i mean at least i’ve mastered that part but what do i do with all that on the inside? do you know? because right now i don’t besides the option of having it eat away at my soul little by little… (too dramatic?)
anyway, i probably sound like i’m whining and i sort of am but really HOW DO ADULTS IGNORE THEIR FEELINGS. i need to know, for a friend of course.
please let me know asap or else i fear my heart will become a black hole of nothingness.
again, i’m being too dramatic i’m sorry. i’ll just go back to hugging my cat and hoping for world peace.
afterlight-1
p.s. i love pajamas- what’s it to you?

happenings

Time does as it does and got a little mixed up last weekend, because of this Seth and I had to find our adventurous spirit on Monday instead of Sunday.

We took a quick trip down to the plaza, I picked out a pretty turquoise necklace for making it through a super hard week at work and we spent a few hours at a super cute French place in town.

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We also spent some time in the kitchen making one of my favorite soups/stews- winter white chicken stew with whole wheat buttermilk biscuits. It’s not my own recipe or anything, just a Rachael Ray one but it’s been one of my favorites for a few years now.

http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/recipe/15636_Winter_White_Chicken_Stew/index.html

Anyway, it’s already almost Wednesday at this point and I’ll be lucky if I can keep my eyes open for 20 more minutes. I’m reminding myself to breath and let things go this week. I’m really not sure how I’ll make it to Friday without totally exhausting myself but…. I’m confident I’ll survive the week none the less. Plus we get to celebrate Seth’s birthday so a big b i g cheers to that!

-xoxo
Wishing good weeks all the way around

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saturday adventures… sort of.

typical saturday adventures have been postponed till tomorrow, Monday (MLK holiday from work).

but, i still had some thoughts mulling around that i felt like sharing so here’s that.

this weekend has been boring and fast. boring because seth and i have continued to have opposite schedules. plus it’s still bitter cold/winter/windy here and i’m just seriously over it. i’m getting green with envy on all beach/bikini/ocean waves instagram posts. fast because i think it’s just part of an evil curse that time speeds up on the weekend.

because of this i’ve done alot of reading, i’ve finished one book and started another.

 

afterlight

i loved The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. i’ve heard her TEDtalks and got really into those (like most people) but her book was great. it’s not super ‘self-helpy’ just more like… change your perspective/researchy – for me- personally it was a great read to begin 2014. today i started I Remember Nothing and Other Reflections by Nora Ephron and read half of it in one sitting.

if you ever take my advice on anything please take it on this- read Nora Ephron.

i think she is gold. the way she makes me feel while reading her work is just so fantastic. i can only really relate it to J.K. Rowling. obvi they are v e r y different writers but the way they make readers (me) feel while reading is just like the best talent in my book.

onward,

we brunched…

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don’t you love when you just throw together a meal with what you have it comes together wonderfully? that was brunch today… yum.

we tried a new burger place in town- Shake Foundation… it was great. we stayed classic with the green chile cheeseburger and fries oh… and a vanilla shake. to be honest it really was a v e r y good green chile cheeseburger and i would really recommend this place to anyone looking for that in Santa Fe. they have a cute set up and lots of local ingredients. it reminded me of burger joints that my parents took me to in the mid-west. classic. also, i spent alot of quality time with the cat…

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found this joy on pinterest, where else right?! well anyway, i pretty much love it for 2014 and feel like at the moment i’m working on the ‘work hard’ and ‘be inspired’ part. sometimes we have to take things in chunks or steps… for me i often want things all at once but lately it’s been a fun reminder that life doesn’t always work that way. we kinda have to work with what we got. i have a hard time accepting that. most of the time i create a perfect world in my head and repeatedly get let down when reality doesn’t match up- you think i would have learned how to not do that by now… but i haven’t. for now i am trying to accept my ‘work hard’ and ‘be inspired’ stint. if don’t i fear i may not get to move on to the other things mentioned above in the picture. acceptance of ourselves, situations and others is such a strange thing. a wonderfully hard thing (at least for me!).

cheers to that, right?!

lots of love,

jane

saturday adventures + some.

good afternoon friends,

today santa fe is horribly windy and dusty and cold. i hope that wherever you are reading this it’s a little more picturesque.

the weekend has flown by as it usually does and i’m left with a few more hours this afternoon, my thoughts and a sleeping, sick husband.

leaving me to my own devices and/or thoughts isn’t always the best thing but after my mini freak-out/break down last sunday i’ve been sure to keep myself  preoccupied. even though seth has been sick this weekend we tried to make the most of our time off together. yesterday we headed down to albuquerque for some hair cuts and change of scenery. new mexico is beautiful in real ways and in it’s own ways but in the dead of winter it can sort of look a little bleak. so, just be for warned there is lots of yellow and brown and blue sky with no clouds.

anyway, we stumbled into a few antique stores that didn’t deliver a single find so we decided to stop at one of our favorite places in ABQ – st. claire’s bistro for the cheese nosh plate and some afternoon tea. if you’re ever in the area of albuquerque new mexico i recommend st. claire’s bistro (there is one in las cruces, nm too)- they serve new mexico wines and dish up some good food.

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you can’t really tell but in the lower right-hand picture- is an ‘unkindness of ravens’, we passed field/grove(y) area and seriously there were like… 250+ of these guys creeping around. i always call them creepy birds even though i sorta like them, ravens are different than crows. crows and small black birds but ravens are seriously the size of my cat but… like a bird with a huge beak. i do however love that we call groups of them an ‘unkindness’ and a ‘murder’ for crows <3

so, this weekend has been relaxing with lots of tea time and manuka honey. one of our favorite teas right now is called ‘total body’ it’s from a local tea shop in town (Santa Fe) called the teahouse and it’s a mix of rose, mint, lavender, and… some over really yummy great stuff. and if you don’t know about manuka honey just bite the bullet and buy the expensive jar.

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in the next week or so i have to start the elimination diet, you know the one were you cut a lot of stuff out (dairy, peppers, sugar, gluten) and then have to test it all back in. f-u-n. my skin hasn’t been the greatest in the last couple months and i wanted to go this route over a topical cream (TMI?! sorry). i’ve tried proactive and it worked okay, and i’ve been put on like…. high blood pressure medicine, even though i don’t have hb pressure because somehow it helps and i’ve tried really not good for you skin creams. i’m just pretty much over it all- so i went to my ayurvedic doctor on this one and we are going to try this route plus a boat load of herbs and supplements. i really am hoping for the best because as much as i want a quick fix… i just really want to fix whatever is causing it all in the first place. so, fingers crossed. OH the point of telling you this, because of that i can’t have any alcohol for like 2 months so yes, today we had champagne again. before you judge it’s been 1 week since i’ve had any… 🙂

here’s a look at my afternoon.

rose champagne (in my new crystal glasses) with a splash of OJ and… fresh flowers for the week.

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oh, and our dryer broke! yaaay….

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i wanted to leave you all with this quote i read this weekend and just really fell in love with.

“often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things,or more money,in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. the way it actually works is the reverse. you must first be who you are, then do what you really need to do, in order to have what you want.” – margaret young

wishing everyone a good, good week.

xox

jane

hump day.

make the money, don’t let the money make you//change the game, don’t let the game change you

these are the lyrics have been stuck in my mind. they come from the song ‘make the money’ by macklemore and ryan lewis

i’ve been trying to figure out what they mean to me and why i just can’t get them out of my head, today i think i figured it out.

if you read a recent post called ‘angst’ you might be familiar with the fact that i tend to be a highly anxious person which also equals stress and worry. today, january 8th lived up to be quite the stressful day and to break away from that i decided to take a run on my lunch break. and so the story goes, make the money came on and i again was struck by the lyrics. the difference was today they made sense they didn’t just stick out i actually got it, light bulb going on and all.

so i thought i’d blog a bit about how inspiring i found these words and actually how encouraged i felt by… macklemore lyrics.

to me it’s that reminder that we/you/i are in charge of our story that we don’t e v e r need to become victim to our circumstance. when things get tough and stressful i tend to throw a mini pity party for myself (in my head) it often becomes so easy for me to feel bad about myself or my situation or my workload etc… but today while i listened to this song on repeat for like the 7th time – it clicked. i’m in charge and while i can’t always change or fix things i don’t have to succumb to pity or feel defeated after a hard day. in fact it reminded me that i should feel empowered after a long day because i made it.

i’m one of those people who need their perception checked on the daily and today this was my little mini wake up call.

one of the thoughts i just can’t get over is the part that goes, ‘change the game, don’t let the game change you’- like… come on. it’s so good. don’t let life get you down if you are not going in the direction you want then wake up and change it, if things are piling on top of you and making you feel stuck then wake up and change it, if your (my) attitude to holding me back then i just need to wake up and change it because all of those things don’t get to have power over me- i get to have power over them because i choose it.

if we (i) am going to create the life that i’ve dreamed of i know that i won’t get there feeling defeated by the hard days, somehow and some way i need to embrace the hard days and use them to motivate me forward. –hello??!! isn’t that the coolest thought ever, every time i am reminded of the fact that i’m in control of my attitude and emotions it’s like i’m shocked. i let them win and let them take over way too many situations but it’s the realization that if i can master controlling them a bit (hopefully in a positive way) then i’ll be moving forward in the right direction no matter what.

so, i quietly told myself today that ‘i’d make the money, i wouldn’t let the money make me’ i wouldn’t feel negative about my mundane Monday-Friday because that was giving my power away and becoming victim to my negativity and to not owning my situation. i told myself that ‘i’d change the game, i wouldn’t let the game change me’ i wouldn’t ‘sell my soul’ i’d hang in there and make the decision that was best for me. i wouldn’t listen to everyone else or perform for everyone else i’d just do my best for me and that’d be enough.

 

i don’t mean to get so excited and maybe through reading this i don’t sound super excited by in my head i’m pretty ecstatic.

sigh, life is good- i need to remember that.

also, life is good when you come home to packages!

 

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today after my somewhat emotional, physical struggle with stress i came home to the most perfect cat necklace and crystal champagne glasses! if anything could make this girl more happy,  it’d be those two e x a c t things.

hope everyone has a good, reflective and joyful thursday – i know i’m going to try.

 

 

Doppelgänger

Meet my doppelgänger-Boulder the cat. We are the same person/cat, just for a… you know FYI.

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angst

As I gently tap the keys unsure of what to write or how to start I am in a slightly better place than I was an hour or two ago. Anxiety is an ugly trait and something I hate. While I hate anxiety it is something that I have to live with especially on Sunday’s. I’ve been told that’s a classic trait of stress and not being in the right spot in life… (anxiety on Sunday’s). While it comforts me to hear it’s a trait that trained physicians are skilled in noticing- meaning I must not be the only one, I am still often stuck with this fear and anxiety on Sunday.

Don’t get me wrong; I have anxiety at all other times of life too. Usually it’s just not as bad as it is on Sundays. So, you may be reading this and feeling like I’m crazy and perhaps should just you know- take some anxiety medicine. BUT the point of this post is to express some of my true feelings on anxiety and the fact that I don’t want to just go get on anxiety medicine. My thought process feels as if medicine isn’t the answer and while medicine helps many people every day I feel that inside myself it’s not the answer for me. Sometimes that is hard to grasp because I’ve been raised in a society where instant fixes are gold.

 

Anyway- back to anxiety.

 

When I get really bad anxiety it’s almost like a choking feeling in my chest, I definitely stop breathing deeply and my mind kind of races. More than races it spirals into directions and future issues that aren’t yet real. That’s the silly part, logically I can explain to myself how I can’t predict the future and I just need to be in the moment but my body and mind just kind of do their own thing. It’s very confusing. Can you relate? Gosh, I do hope someone can relate… but to move forward. For my personal situation I feel as if my anxiety has a purpose- I feel as if… in some odd and twisted way it is a motivator to make me keep trying, keep moving towards the life I want. I don’t want to talk about the negative here but I don’t feel like career wise I’ve really hit my niche- and that’s tough. So, I feel like I have this anxiety to remind me to keep going and trying and pulling deep within myself to figure out what all that is and could be. I might be wrong and I could sound super naïve right now- and that’s okay because it’s just where I’m at with all of it.

After talking with a good, good friend actually one of my best friends about how I was feeling my mind calmed a bit and I was able to reflect on my situation and thought process. It was then that I thought what a unique (to me at least) idea of thinking about anxiety, what if it’s there to push us!  What if this horrible, crippling thing is actually inside of us to remind us that we can do better and that we deserve the best that we can imagine. That thought is worth gold to me. Seriously …

 

If I were in my most self-loving moment that thought would be worth the world… the thought that each of us deserve the life that we imagine. I am of the thought that society today can kill imagination and our uniqueness, that coupled with the mindset that money and status are all that matters I think we often put ourselves in a box. In a perfect world I think that we would see that life is about pursuing the things we love and that money and status R E A L L Y don’t matter or at least don’t deserve the pedestal we have placed them on. I also feel like fear wouldn’t be so heavy and we wouldn’t be so scared to risk it or try. But the world isn’t perfect and we are all just trying to do the best we can with what we have. So, in writing this I am honestly just coming from a place within myself and if you don’t relate or if I upset you please just disregard because we should only take from others that which resonates.

I’ve been taught that these certain things and life achievements will make me happy, I’ve been taught that, that is life. But what if is isn’t? What if that isn’t what life is really about, or what if that isn’t what life is about for me? Then what? Well then I feel very stuck in a society that doesn’t resonate with me and that’s very frustrating. It’s frustrating to not relate but then feel pressured by those things you don’t relate too.

The world is such a big and beautiful place and it’s full of so many more important things and people than what TV, magazines or even school tells me. I often feel sad with the mundane(ness) of my ‘good’ life because I feel as if I am missing out on some beautiful thing happening in the world. Does this make any sense? Ha-ha… I don’t know. I just feel so much more connected to things that are real and by real I mean something that I can’t really explain. I know that doesn’t help you figuring out what I’m trying to say here. For instance sitting here I am thinking about what people in a village in Peru are doing, I’m wondering if they experience this same Sunday anxiety that I do… I’m wondering if people in rural France get so worked up over the thought of a 5-day work week and if people if Africa even know what unthreatening anxiety is.

 

My problem is that I’d rather meet those people and learn from them than do the daily things that I must do that are considered normal for where I grew up.

 

Does this help explain where my anxiety comes from? I hope it does, I just feel a connection to the world at large and I struggle with the fact that I am not actually connected with it and the thought of risking financial standing or stability to experience it is totally looked down upon.

 

For me some of life’s most beautiful moments happened while experiencing other cultures and people who had a lot less than me or at least a much different life than me. It was beautiful because we experienced a real connection not a fabricated one. In those moments no one felt as if they needed to pretend to be someone they weren’t. Clothes didn’t matter, make-up didn’t matter, clean hair didn’t matter, saying the perfect thing didn’t matter… Even thinking about it makes my teary eyed.

I know that this might not connect with you, but it’s doing me good to get my thoughts out.  So, naïve or not I’m choosing to believe my weekly anxiety has purpose in my life and is pushing me towards whatever is next. This doesn’t make it easier to deal with… and I am often looking to others to see how they cope with it.

I decided today to share what I did that helped me out of my anxiety.

  1. I talked/texted with one of my best friends who understands where I am coming from and we just got to talk about it. We just talked about anxiety and she didn’t judge where I was coming from she just shared her similar experience and in hard moments I think that is the best thing- to just relate to one another rather than feel pity or try to give expert advice or try to fix the situation.
  2. I talked to Seth about some logical things I could do get help get rid of it; he is really good about letting feelings go quickly and doing some action steps to achieve that.
  3. I cleaned… the house. I find when I am really anxious I like accomplishing something so you know, doing the dishes, vacuuming, sweeping and washing windows can sometimes help.
  4. I put some candles on.
  5. I burned some piñon incense.
  6. I rearranged my computer station with some positive affirmations and moved a rose quartz crystal near by. (yes, I really think these things work. I have one next to my bed, one at work and now one next to my computer at home.)
  7. I made a fire. (by myself!)
  8. I made myself a mimosa.  (my favorite…)
  9. I listened to contemplative music.
  10. I forced myself to breath correctly and deeply. (it’s really amazing how much deep breathing can help situations…)
  11.  I used essential oils. (I mix them with coconut oil and put them on my hands, temples and under my ears.)
  12.  I wrote.
  13. I baked. I baked a healthy version of banana bread and oatmeal cookies. I know baking is supposed to be an exact science but for me it’s therapeutic and I definitely DON’T measure things out and it still turns out okay… so I guess I just get lucky every time.

These 13 things may not help you in a time of anxiety but I’d challenge you that the next time you do feel anxious to just take a step back, take a deep breath and then move forward with things that you know are comforting to you. Anxiety is a natural human feeling and like my friend told me today, “it’s really important to feel those things in life”- I agree with her. We need to feel and be okay with whatever feeling we have not just reach for an easy fix- but we must strive to not be engulfed by our feelings because before you know they pass and life hands you something beautiful.

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Lots of love to each of you and thanks for listening to me.

Xoxo

 

Jane.

saturday adventures

good evening good people and happy saturday.

how’s your new year started? can’t you feel a difference from 2013? i can and i love it.
for those of you who don’t know– i’m married to a great guy named seth and we basically work opposite schedules. in the nicest way possible- it sucks, alot. i’m determined to make it suck less in 2014 : ) thus starts my saturday adventure posts – if you don’t like pictures of food, cats or off centered city shots well then you won’t like these posts.

i’m going to do them none the less.

today wasn’t very eventful here but we did take a nice long walk to the cross of the martyrs. the cross of the martyrs is this:
a cross structure that overlooks the historic downtown of Santa Fe,the cross is 25 feet tall and from what i’ve heard ways over 75 tons… it was put there to commemorate the death of 21 friars and even more spanish colonists during the pueblo revolt in 1680.

it is pretty cool and has great views of the city, especially when a storm is rolling in (which was not the case today).
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it was a pretty cold,windy,dry day here in santa fe so the walk wasn’t the most pleasant to counteract that we decided to stop by la fonda in the plaza for some warm new mexican food. new mexican food is always good but today after walking in the cold and wind it was e x t r a good.
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after some food we made the trek back home where I was pleasantly surprised by a package from louisiana. it was full of some of the best things and most of all a very special question, to put it simply the package made my day in a big way. i got asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my dearest friends weddings and it just feels like the biggest blessing.

OH- gosh. I almost forgot, before we got home we stopped by the international market. i always find it so interesting to browse the unusual foods and such they have going on there. here were some interesting finds from today.
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the rest of the day wasn’t so adventurous and included a trip to the shoe and grocery store. i did end up making a really good chicken and rice soup- so there is that.
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lots of love,

j

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Grateful every day for the newness of life and while the new year is always a great time to throw out the old and embrace the new- to me it’s a reminder that we have that gift every day.

In the words of Walt Whitman, “Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.”

Life is a gift every day and we have the ability to change in an instant, we may not be able to control what happens to us or around us be have the control to choose our attitude and our action from that point. To me that is the greatest blessing ever and a thought that is some serious encouragement for this brand new year.

Cheers!