Archive for April, 2013

life realization #63

Sometimes I find myself back on another ‘Sunday blues’ roller coaster of emotion.

 

I feel like sometimes I should wear a sign that reads- Buck Wild Emotions Here – or – No Emotions Here –

Extremes huh?

I know…but I can’t help it, or maybe I can and just don’t know how. I guess I’m just wanting some balance between the two or honestly just balance altogether.

 

Tonight while I’ve been in a foggy cold-induced haze I’ve had life realization number #63. I want alot but hardly take one step toward my want(s)—light bulb— how will I ever find balance or whatever else if I am to scared or busy to take a step towards my want(s)?

Sometimes I use my circumstance as a roadblock instead of a motivator or in more basic terms- kick in the ass. I can say that I’m tired, stressed, too busy but in the end those things just leave me stuck.

Instead of stuck I want… my wants. I also deserve my wants – so if I have the ability to attempt them, then in those moments I should just go for it (right? just jump in and figure and think it out later? please just agree…)

My circumstance/my life may at times be boring, chaotic, sad or wonderful, fun and energizing.

I need to remember that it’s just my experience and my opportunity to make my life my own. Free or at least attempting to be free of comparison.

Whoever said ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ (Dwight Edwards and President Theodore Roosevelt; depending on which pinterest pin you found first) was TOTES right. It is.

So…..

Hi, My name is Jane and I am giving up comparison and replacing it with all that ‘seize the moment’ mumbo jumbo. Don’t worry though life, I won’t be perfect at it but now that I realize it I’ll try (alot) harder. OH, and life just don’t judge me if I throw a pity party for myself within 48 hours of this post (I’m still learning) or if I have to re-read my own words 48,364 times.

 

I’m sorta stubborn, thanks for understanding.

-xo

Jane

milk, non-milk, blah, blah, blah

I love when grown women throw temper tantrums. – NOT 

It is one of those moments when I felt embarrassed for another human being. This morning I observed a women complain about the choice of alternative milks on a menu of which there were, dairy, rice, coconut, almond and soy. She then proceeded to send back two drinks claiming that they were made with the wrong alternative milk. She (of course) could tell because the way the coffee was ‘settling’ with the non-milk milk. She claimed she had never seen that happen with the non-milk milk of her choice. Two drinks sent back and she settled for an iced coffee dairy and alternative milk free. I find it pretty fascinating that something so little can matter THAT much to someone. Like honestly a shot of almond milk instead of soy milk isn’t going to send you into convulsions or make you gain 5lbs nor does it give you the right to act like a total bitch. I mean at least in my opinion. 

I suppose it is reasons like this that I shouldn’t eavesdrop but I mean really it’s not eavesdropping.. it’s people watching! And people watching is what I do. It’s like the #1 reason I got a degree in Sociology. I find people very interesting and the way they choose to act even more interesting. 

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So, at brunch this morning while I was in the presence of a 40 year old woman’s temper tantrum (over milk) I thought to myself, and laughed to myself that my hobby is legitimately: people watching. You see I hate being asked what my ‘hobbys’ are- uhhh I like to read sometimes, I like to write sometimes, I like movies and shopping and travel = lamest response ever. HATE being asked about hobbies. I laughed to myself this morning though because what would someone do if I respond by telling them my hobby was watching people. They would straight up think I was cray. I guess that’s why I’ve always had a hard time expressing things that I am interested in, because I know that it lumps me into a ‘werdio’ group. Like I look like a normal plain girl who would like running and maybe I was in a book club and perhaps I enjoyed cooking and shopping. The truth is I do like all of those things but I also really enjoy learning about alternative medicine, people watching and debunking or debating paranormal ‘findings’. There I said it. See, I am pretty weird. I am a weird sociology nerd trapped in a normal persons body. I used to feel so out of place because in college half of my class would be super alternative, like totally into aliens or ghosts or medieval things, they would dress in black trench coats and not wear make up or if they did it would be alot of black or punk rockish. I often felt like I was a cop out, like if I really liked sociology then I had to find a weird niche and dress a certain way. 

WHERE am I going with this! Ha-ha, your answer is probably alot better than mine. I guess my point is- if I even have a point is that people are funny, they are weird and they do funny and weird things. Even if they aren’t dressed in black trench coats and go to paranormal conventions, even if like look like most normal 40 year old woman they can act funny. They can be nice or mean or rude or silent or funny or scary. It’s all up to them, their appearance and even their education or lack there of do not guarantee anything. We all have the choice on how we act/behave, how we treat others and if we choose to judge ourselves based on others outwardly appearances. I really needed this reminder- that our personalities and our actions account for so much more than what we look like and if we ‘fit’ into a particular group. I am pretty exhausted of trying to 1. find a group to fit into and 2. then fitting into that said group.I just want to learn how to be really good at being me, not being nervous about my interests, not gaging myself on others outwardly appearances and lives. 

I’ve spent alot of time thinking I had to fit and mold myself this way and that and really all I want now is to figure out (more in-depth) who I am and be really good at just being me- so in my smallest hope I don’t get to my 40’s and through a public temper tantrum over milk!