Now, I know that it isn’t ‘Throw Back Thursday’ or ‘Flash Back Friday’ but I needed a little bit of a ‘happy’ lift this Monday evening. So please forgive my lack of following social structure for this oldie photo but I really needed it.
I love this picture, I look so confused and uncomfrotable which is prevcisicly how I feel right now. First of all, if I encountered you today on a personal level and came across upset or if I used the ‘fword//
fuck‘ a few times I sincerly apologize. I should have contained myself.
Today I am blown away by life, by the fact that those who deserve things hardly every recieve those things and that much of life is us watching those undeserving people recieve and even flourish in that which was in essense meant for another person. This pill is NOT something that I can swallow, I don’t even know how to attempt it. It makes me mad, just plain mad
bloody pissed. I am having to deal with this on a personal level and– to clairfy I do not feel like I am the person who was deserving, I am just witnessing the very undeserving person recieve that which they haven’t earned. I don’t get that, my mind cannot accept or wrap itself around it. How do I accept this fact of life and not let it make me bitter in the end?
Seriously, I am asking- if you have any past or present experience would you please leave a comment and let me know. Trust me I understand the “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything” I am just appaled by life, that things unfold this way and frankly am dumbfounded at how I am to move forward. Do I let this go? To me that seems to just be ignoring the problem not addressing or proccessing this life truth. Do I dwell on it till I figure it out? I don’t think that is the right thing either, I would be consumed and become way to philosophical for my own good.
I want to reference the quote I mentioned before from Theodore Roosevelt “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, nows in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” -Citizenship in a Republic, Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
I have to beleive this quote- I just have too. To me this quote is hope that in the end, when it is the end the ‘righteous’ will be paid their dues. They will eventually be rewarded. I don’t mean this to come across that I think I am better for sitting by and watching those who I think* are undeserving rise up- but I believe that those who stumble and fail and have hardships are in the end rewarded far greater than those who recieved their crowns along the way.
What a lofty thought, you may or may not agree with me but like I have mentioned before- my story is my own it’s all I have and it was written for and by me, I own it. I own every sadness, every hardship and every success be them few and far between. I own my life and my choices and in my moment of anger and frustration I declare that I will just keep going in the hope of a great and wonderful reward in my future. I do not surround myself my those who fail or fall and never get back up, so why would I let such a insignificant thing push me down. I won’t.. I WON’T!
I’ll let it go every day and work hard every day, in this I turn from black to gold, from bitter to golden.