Archive for September, 2011

I’ve got the blues

Every single Sunday night I get the weekend blues.

Even with this weird non schedule I have going on now, working weekends and getting odd days off like Thursday… I still get the Sunday night blues. I get sad thinking that the weekend, which is supposedly my time is over. It’s like somehow I’ve lived through it all already. I get anxious about what the next 3,4,5,6 days will bring and always wonder how I will make it through. I always do though, sometimes fast sometimes slow, sometimes with tears and sometimes with laughter.  It’s weird to think that as much as you grow up and try to own your time, you don’t. A lot of other people and things own your time, so when you do have a minute or two to your self it needs to be taken advantage of.  It’s not like this next thought was some revelation I had or anything, it’s actually something I’ve thought OVER and OVER.

It’s just more real now.

For all the worrying and anxiety producing that I do, I seem to rush through things. I rush through my day, my week, and my free time to just find myself worrying again.  So, at the end of a weekend sometimes I feel like whoa—where did all that time go?! (As if I didn’t actually live through it or enjoy it)

How lame is that? I say it’s pretty lame. It’s not something I pride myself on or encourage to any other human -EVER. I hope that in these next few months I can learn how to really value ‘my’ time and turn off my worry button.

I don’t care what you say, I think we really do have a worry button and I fully intend to discover it and thus decide when it goes on and off.

I’ll get back to you with any minor or major discovers in this area.

GOOD LUCK WITH WEEK! I encourage you and myself too

 1. RELAX

And

2. be true to who you are.

xoxo- Jane 

glass container milk

I am pretty much in love with glass container milk. I remember my Aunt buying it when her girls (my cousins) were little and how it would be sitting on their cold Colorado front porch in the mornings. I love the way that you need to rinse out the bottle before you exchange it for a new one. I love the whole idea of exchanging one glass bottle for another. I love the way it clinks when you set it down too hard on the counter, and the way I feel somehow connected to an ever distant past—where glass container milk bottles were the norm. I feel like I’m in a scene of I Love Lucy, or Leave it to Beaver or even the Andy Griffith show. Glass container milk bottles make me want to add milk to everything, just so I can use that glass bottle. They make me feel better about myself and better about the environment.  I am not sure how the material of a container can matter that much in the overall outlook of a person, but this really does it for me. I feel happy when I see it, happy when I use it, and happy when I exchange it. Maybe it’s because I’m not being AS wasteful? Or maybe it’s because I get to physically hand over the old for the new, maybe in some small way that makes me feel like the circle of life is just that. A circle that just keeps going, trading the old for the new.

im-at-this-point-to-where-i-feel-like-really-i

I’m at this point to where I feel like really, I don’t know too much about life. 

You know how when your 16 and you know everything.. and when your 19 you know even more, and when your 21 it’s waning but still very present.

Well, I’m 24 and I feel like I don’t know to many answers to real life questions. If you want to review New Mexico History with me or ask me the sociological fundamentals of Freud.. sure okay— I could give you a competent answer. 

On the subject of life, loneliness, busyness, and obtaining consistent happiness… you got me.

your guess is as good as mine.

IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ANSWERS TO THE ABOVE MENTIONED ITEMS, PLEASE SEND THEM MY WAY. 🙂 

yours always, 

xo -jane 

something has got to give

i work to much, i sleep too less, i sit to long, and i’m not communicating enough.

these are my major issues as of… well, RIGHT NOW! what does one do when they work all day and don’t have any time to 1. go grocery shopping, and 2. have a spare moment to yourself. don’t get me wrong but this is NO way to live, actually i wouldn’t even say that i’m living— i’m merely managing. 

MANAGING IS NOT LIVING PEOPLE! managing should be a skill we use under stressful situations, not on a daily basis. 

i need help, i need a good long time alone in a corner to think about this and come up with a solution, you all want to pray, chant, meditate, telepathically think… WHATEVER for me tonight? i’m crossing all my fingers i wake up inspired.

like— AHH HA! (ding-ding) light bulbs flashing off in my head

i want to wake up knowing my purpose feeling confident to succeed at it, and taking thrisks to make it happen. like… you know sleeping more, doing more things i love, less things i hate, finding time to buy groceries (if you didn’t know eating is ESSESNTIAL for life) and healthy eating just give you more points.

chant with me, pray, rub some crystals that the good guys do win.. and the bad guys lose. that love wins and hate fails!!!! — is that to epic?? probably so.

i just need some good thoughts, some fingers crossed for some DREAMING BIG opportunities.

may i and you my friend be well slept to seize my days for all they are worth.

🙂 

from:(http://www.etsy.com/shop/theloveshop)

Inequality makes me feel like garbage.

“I am opposing a social order in which it is possible for one man who does absolutely nothing that is useful to amass a fortune of hundreds of millions of dollars, while millions of men and women who work all the days of their lives secure barely enough for a wretched existence.” – Eugene Victor Debs

Inequality is a strange thing that [for me], produces many un-named emotions. Lately, it has been making me feel like garbage.

It’s hard to see the extremes of inequality everyday; it’s much easier to think of it while watching the nightly news. Currently and unluckily for me, that has not been the case. As much as I feel like a better person for being able to pick up and identify inequality, I don’t feel like a better person.

 I feel so powerless and depressed about the whole situation— from my tiny daily life to the larger scope of inequality in the world. I feel bad because it makes me feel so distraught, but I can’t do anything about it, and all I really want is to not feel so distraught. In essence I just want to forget what I’ve noticed, seen or witnessed.  Seems to me like I am turning a cold shoulder to a very important issue. It makes me feel no better than one of ‘those people’ that continuously judge the other ‘group of people’. If I choose to just ignore what I see, and forget how it makes me feel how does that make me any better than the next bloke? Thoughts and decisions like that do make me powerless because I am choosing to do nothing, to not even raise my voice to an issue that makes me feel so strongly.  

But I question this—with an age-old societal conundrum of rich and poor, of privileged and not—- how does the average person go about making the situation better. Do I make the situation better by simply acknowledging how it makes me feel? Is that enough? For my goal-oriented personality I think not, but on the other hand I don’t know what to do to try and make an impact on something so live-long.

 

“Washing one’s hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.” –Paulo Freire

I really wonder what it is that makes each of our lives so different from one another. If on a basic level we are all 99.9% the same, how does life decide which hand to deal to us?

How can people feel okay judging the poor who work 40+ hours a week but still don’t make enough to have health insurance. It should be obvious that even though they aren’t in the ‘right’ tax bracket they are still hard working people …shouldn’t it?

How can 1 person work 50 hours a week and get to spend loads and loads on fancy hotels, long getaways and take out food? While another person who works 50 hours a week is struggling to pay his rent, bills, and trying to decide which kid gets a new pair of shoes?

This quote from Michael Eric Dyson reassures me that this issue is WAY more complex then the [my] every-day mind can comprehend. While this quote leads me to even more thinking, it reassures in essence my soul— that somehow I’m on the right track with my way of thinking.

“Charity is no substitute for justice. If we never challenge a social order that allows some to accumulate wealth—even if they decide to help the less fortunate—while others are short-changed, then even acts of kindness end up supporting unjust arrangements. We must never ignore the injustices that make charity necessary, or the inequalities that make it possible.” –Michael Eric Dyson (Come Hell or High Water)

 To me this shows that while injustices are done to the poor, charity does not rightly fix the problem. To me this chooses to question both sides, the side where people need charity, and then the charity itself. Just a little mind blowing isn’t it? Inequality is a bigger issue then we give it credit for, but maybe that is why it’s easier to think about it as some far way, not immediate problem. Something you see on TV sometimes, or hear about through the grapevine. Maybe we keep these issues at bay because the consequence of thinking about it is detrimental to our spirits because its not easily explained and the lines between right and wrong are very blurry?

We must never ignore the injustices that make charity necessary, or the inequalities that make it possible.” – – if that doesn’t make you think I don’t know what will. While I don’t have an answer for inequality now, I hope that by allowing my mind to mull it over I will at least be a more understanding, open-minded individual who is slow to judge and quick to extend help where needed. Help being a kind smile, a helping hand with a door, a brief conversation in awkward situations. People deserve that, no matter who they are—they deserve to be noticed, acknowledged and accepted. Not looked over, rejected or judged for their appearances,  language or their job titles.

 Another quote to ponder on the subject of inequality:

“The extreme inequality of our ways of life, the excess of idleness among some and the excess of toil among others, the ease of stimulating and gratifying our appetites and our senses, the over-elaborate foods of the rich, which inflame and overwhelm them with indigestion, the bad food of the poor, which they often go without altogether, so that they over-eat greedily when they have the opportunity; those late nights, excesses of all kinds, immoderate transports of every passion, fatigue, exhaustion of mind, the innumerable sorrows and anxieties that people in all classes suffer, and by which the human soul is constantly tormented: these are the fatal proofs that we might have avoided nearly all of them if only we had adhered to the simple, unchanging and solitary way of life that nature ordained for us.” – Jean-Jacques Rousseau (Discourse on the Origin of Inequality)

my life this week.

lately I have seriously been doubting my style, hair, clothes, make up — just about everything you can doubt about your self I have been. Needless to say it hasn’t been fun, and has lead too lots of extra emotions. I feel like some people are so iconic and so solid and (stand out) and I just never feel like one of those people. 

So, I’ve been obsessing over my hair, as any warm blooded girl can do at certain times. Do I want it short, or dark or lighter … (P.S. I always love big messy buns, does mine cut it? I’m apparently not even sure of that right now!)

healthy routines. 

lately well okay for the whole month of August Seth and I have been in a major life transition. We MOVED from Louisiana to New Mexico. Back to New Mexico actually and Santa Fe to be exact. I am definitely one of those people who love my routines and really get rooted in my daily habits. If you have ever moved (extra points if you’ve had to move across the entire state of Texas in a huge ass moving truck with a cat!) you know that your ‘rooted’ routines get a little up-rooted if you know what I mean. I feel like I am just now getting back into the swing of my routines, working out and eating right being one of those. Now, while I honestly might be a little vain I feel 100% different/better when I’m living a truly healthy lifestyle. It mellows me out, it balances my mind and makes me SLEEP above all things. So here is to beginning anew, having an active lifestyle and eating WELL! Cheer’s Kefir … maybe one day I’ll learn to love you. 

future. 

Today I signed my offer from The Santa Fe University of Art and Design! I am truly thrilled, a little intimidated.. but mostly just happy. I’ve really missed ‘school’ and have always thought it would be cool to work for a University. Now before you get to excited I’m NOT faculty or anything, just staff. Part time for now at that! Still, I am so excited. Being around a community of people who are so open minded, creative and relevant is something I find very refreshing. I can only hope that this is just one step in the right direction for me. (dancing around the room— YYYEEAAHH!) 

autumn. 

Fall, or as a true Britt would say ‘Autumn’ is my favorite season of ALL seasons, I love it. I love it in the mountians, in the desert, in the forrest, by the ocean. I love it for it’s smell’s its crisp air and its over use of all things pumpkin. The offical start date of my favorite season still doesn’t happen for a little while now, but September 1st was all I could hold out for. I think it had something to do with the fact I have had to have so much change in my life lately, or maybe I’m just a weirdo (I don’t know you decided). Anyway, after a long but good day today Seth and I watched one of my favorites— You’ve Got Mail, while I made Pumpkin Cookies! Now before you make a disgusted face, DON’T they are delish! Light, fluffy, fall(y) with little bits of chocolate! 

so that is that, for now! now that i am doubly employeed my free time may dwindle. i hope to keep this updated with the happenings of both my mind and my life. my sadness and my joy! if you are reading this and i know you, please know i miss you! I have been homesick for friends and family lately. i hope that autumn greets you all in its perfect timing (some sooner than others) and that this next season holds many hidden treasures for you all!

xo-Aj