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Thank Goodness

Today is Friday, the first Friday in Autumn, my favorite season. I treated myself to a dirty chai this morning and while standing in line waiting to order I realized this one thing.

I’m so thankful I don’t have a Texas accent. 

I’m so overwhelmingly thankful I don’t have one. 

I spent my life growing up in Southern New Mexico where Texas was placed on a very high pedestal, for everything. I spent a large portion of my 29 years wanting so badly to have that Texas accent. If I had it, “it” would have all just clicked and life would have made sense and been perfect, or so I had thought. It’s been along time since I’ve thought about these things but this morning I felt this overwhelming sense of thankfulness for the mere fact I didn’t have that accent.

It’s funny how badly we can want or strive for things that ultimately make no difference in our lives, perhaps it’s the Universes way of helping us see what is really important and what’s not. There was a period of my life when I thought there was nothing higher to achieve than living outside Austin, TX, having a graduate degree + the nice car, and that dang accent. Boy, have the times changed. I’m so grateful for my rough and tumble life experience that led me far away from that 16 year old dream, which now is s o laughable to me as I wait for my coffee on Friday morning.

Little reminders like this are so life-giving to me, it was like this nudge saying “you’re alright kid, you’re right where you need to be”. Which to be frank is hard to know as an adult – it’s fucking hard to know if you’re doing all the right things, if you’re heading down the right path, if you made all the best/right decisions. It sucks, adulting can suck so I’ll take all the little nudges I can.

As the seasons change and we are at the Autumn Equinox it’s natures way of reminding us to slow down, to re-envision and to re-energize our goals and our life. I always find the start of this season to be the perfect time to set my intent for myself, to incubate seedlings of growth that I hope will flourish come Spring. I’m grateful for the person in front of me today ordering their coffee with their Texas accent, I’m grateful for the memory of how much I wanted one, I’m grateful that I never got what I thought I wanted, I got so, so much more than that.

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I’ve been blogging more frequently over here at From Good Intentions, it’s a shared creative space that I think you might enjoy. It’s alot less heavy and messy then this space, my space 🙂 I’m reserving this little corner to share lots of my real talk ideas, lots of my thoughts that get mulled around in my mind for too long and need words to attach too. Today, on FGI I shared 4 Autumn Rituals you can do to both enjoy the season and invite Autumn into your home and life.

 

All the love,

XO,  Jane

Comfort… Zones

YOUR LARGEST FEAR CARRIES YOUR GREATEST GROWTH 

Comfort zones are a bitch… Adulting is hard and it’s just too easy to get stuck in the responsiblity mud. I’m not sure about you – but the sticky, sinking feeling of what I should do or be at 28 years old is not the place I want to find myself trapped in, as much as I am trapped there. Trapped in everyone else’s expectations of what my life should look like, who I should be.

But, I get scared. Scared of social situations of communicating clearly and well, and of being liked. Will I be enough? Will I be interesting? Am I boring? Do I make sense? all constant thoughts in my head.

ENOUGH. Enough with the mind chatter and fear. Enough with the worry, the added stress because, I am enough.

I stepped through my comfort zone last weekend and attended this ‘Ladies Celebrating Ladies‘ event, Shibori workshop from Amy with For The Love and dipped our gloved hands into the coolest vats of indigo. We chatted, sweated a little and ate FoodGore’s ‘Girl Gang’ ice cream. In the end, my heart seriously was warmed and I had an awesome tote bag.

I was nervous, I didn’t communicate the best I could. But, I showed up. It was so worth it. The things that scare us ultimately lead to some of the most impactful/heartfelt moments. I was brave and realized what friends, amazing lady friends I have and could have if I just keep breathing and keep walking through this comfort zone.

“Real change is difficult at the beginning, but gorgeous at the end. Change begins the moment you get the courage and step outside your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Roy T. Bennett

-Ciao loves, xoxox

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^^ Lovely, Lady totes… ^^

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^^ Listening and learning! ^^

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^^ladies, celebrating ladies!^^

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^^ Amy, showing us the drying process. ^^

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^^ Shannon getting her fabric ready for a big indigo soak. ^^

 

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^^ Indigo bath, it was crazy warm and the indigo was actually green before it comes out and gets totally oxidized ^^

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w e e k e n d • p a n c a k e s

Well hello July, hello Summer, hello you! It’s been awhile, it’s been a full 2016 with lots of highs and lows for me, if you didn’t know I’ve taken a bit of a break from this blog. Why? Well, I’ve been blogging over here at From Good Intentions – but here’s the big secret [i’ve missed Jane the Philosopher so much]. Who knew? I didn’t. This little space of mine created in 2011 has been a consistent source of ‘home’ to me a place for me to share my thoughts, my aspirations, and my less than perfect creative takes on food, life and love.

So, here’s a big cheers to TLC. I’ll be giving some tender loving care to this space, and most importantly to myself real soon. To be honest I can’t wait.

BUT in the meantime here’s my F A V O R I T E  “healthy” pancake recipe. I can’t take the credit, it’s from my favorite Irish guy, Donal Skehan!  – these are gluten free and full off good for you stuff like oat flour, chai seeds, blueberries, bee pollen and they’re cooked in coconut oil, so in the end there are no  h  a  r  d  f  e  e  l  i  n  g  s!

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What you need:

1 cup oat flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tbsp chia seeds

Pinch of sea salt

1/2 cup milk (almond or dairy)

2 large eggs, separated

1 cup blueberries

1 tbsp coconut oil

Honey, and bee pollen, to serve

What you do:

Put all the dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl, mix well and make a well in the center.

Mix the milk and egg yolks in a separate bowl. Add to the dry ingredients and mix until well blended. In a clean bowl, whisk the egg whites until they hold soft peaks. Fold gently into the batter until combined.

Add a handful of the blueberries to the batter and fold in.

Melt the coconut oil in a large frying pan over a medium heat and add a small ladleful of the mixture to the hot pan. Cook for about 2–3 minutes on each side, or until golden brown.

Serve pancakes with blueberries, a drizzle of honey, and bee pollen.

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TGIF people! Be back with you all soon!

Xo, jane

 

hello, can you hear me?

Hi,

I haven’t known what to say to you in about 6 months. I’m sorry. I’m really only sorry because I value consistency and I have not been consistent. The thing is, I feel like a hot mess. I’m trying to cope with more tea and less wine, more quite time and less mindless activities. I’m trying to be an adult but my mind often wanders everywhere but where it’s supposed to be.

Have you ever taken a big leap? Like, a leap in a very personal way? Have you ever bargained with your conscious and locked up your negativity to the hope of a newness and success? Well, I have and in lots of little ways I failed. I failed and I got scared so… I put those (silly) dreams away, locked them up tight in favor of the normal 9-5 life. The hardest part of it all is acting like I’m still worth those dreams that I’ve sealed back up. Logically I know that I’m worth it, I know that by just being me I’m worthy of love and happiness and success but… there’s a place inside that doesn’t buy it. And that’s the hardest thing to live with day in and day out. It’s confusing too in a way that it’s hard to let myself feel inspired or moved by things in fear that it might unlock those dreams again.

I see my creativity and inspiration trying to leak out in little ways like getting teary at commercials, enjoying the perfect sunset a little bit more or feeling moved by the generosity of others, whenever I start to really be moved by something, anything I try to just hide those feelings and thoughts away.

The hardest thing to realize is that while circumstance can be beneficial or not, good or bad, confusing or joyful…I’m the one that failed myself. The circumstance didn’t and doesn’t really matter but any failing that happened had much more to do with me and what I believe to be true about myself.

That’s a tough thing realize when your 28 because I always thought I’d have it figured out by now. I realize, I’m not sure if we ever have it figured out but if I do want to both live a life of love and love myself I have to start acting like I’m not my own worst enemy. I kind of have to step of up to the plate. Success is scary to me, scary because you could not succeed. I’d like to start thinking my dreams and my inspired thoughts aren’t silly and put a little more faith and grace towards them and me… just to see what happens and where it all takes me.

I haven’t known where to start with so many things, I over think it and in the process I stall. I have no idea how to stop doing that but going into 2016 I’m going to try my hardest to just go for it… whatever it is.

“Life has been some combination of fairy-tale coincidence and joie de vivre and shocks of beauty together with some hurtful self-questioning.” – Sylvia Plath

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Song that’s on repeat right now: Delicate, Damien Rice

-Xoxo

 

Jane

Spring time thoughts.

Today is the first day of spring for 2015 and I feel old. I remember being told as an 8 year old that once you grow up time ‘flys’ by. I didn’t believe it at the time but they weren’t lying. In some ways I honestly don’t know how it’s not still 2010. I have distinct memories of writing my name, class period and the year as 1997 on school papers. I have distinct memories of sitting in front of a window in 1st grade and feeling the hot New Mexico air blow against me and feeling like the most bored child alive. I have distinct memories of counting ceiling tiles to pass the time sitting outside and literally staring at the clouds for an afternoon. I have distinct memories of not needing to be anywhere and also not being ‘reachable’ by anyone. No e-mails or text messages or facebooks….

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I have distinct memories where it felt like time stood still and now I crave those moments in my mind and wish I found more of them in my daily life.

I’ve been thinking about spring and what spring means in a literal way and in a spiritual way. Lately I’ve just felt the need to grow, to keep learning and keep trying to evolve into a better version of myself. Spring seems like the perfect time to act on that, it’s a transitional season meant to bring awareness and new life. Doesn’t the shedding of ‘old’ things sound so nice? It does to me, if anything I’m most really most passionate about knowing myself and growing as a person and right now more than anything I want to be taking steps towards that.

I feel an enormous need to settle my mind and make more time for myself, for my long drawn out thought process to really percolate and come to some conclusions and actions. For a long time I’ve resented my introvertedness and my need to sit with a question for a long period of time before formulating my well thought out answer… but lately (and by lately I mean in the last week) I’ve realized what a great gift that is and how I should work harder to honor that quality in myself – to just allow myself more time. I’ve never really grapsed what honoring yourself meant until the last few weeks. I guess we all learn things at our own pace.

I’m the type of person who never had to really learn what ‘boundaries’ were. I just had them.

I’m the type of person who never had to really learn what ‘inside voices’ were. I was just quite.

I’m the type of person who never had to be instructed in ‘social politeness’. I was just overly polite.

I’m the type of person who was told every day to 1. Smile 2. Raise my hand and 3. Ask questions. I’ve always been entirely too reserved for American culture.

Too stuck in my head and not bubbly enough, it’s made me hate those parts of myself sometimes and not understand why I felt so unlike other people. It’s the coolest feeling to just know that deep down it’s just who you are and it’s okay… it’s okay to take the time… it’s okay to retreat and make some more space for yourself and your thoughts. I’ve realized that when I allow myself these things I’m just a better human being; I’m more confident and more patient with others.

It’s a truly unique and inspiring thing to figure yourself out little by little and then honor those pieces of you and along the way find people who honor it too. So, while I feel old and a little panicked about making sure my life is a ‘success’ I’m so comforted by the start of spring this year. I’m reminded that things take time and that after the dormant season of death renewal comes. Finding yourself, creating yourself and your life it’s difficult, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m reminded now more than ever that hard work pays off.

-xoxo

Jane

 

 

Snow

It snowed in Santa Fe last night and this morning like, really snowed. It’s the 1st time this season we’ve had a really good snow in town. While it has caused some delays and slippery conditions I can’t get over how simply beautiful things look when covered in tons of this white stuff.

This morning I bundled my sick self up in 3-4 layers of clothes and gave myself 30 minutes outside. I keep telling myself the ‘fresh’ air did me good. Is there anything better than being the first to walk through the snow in the morning, I think not. It’s one of my most favorite things about winter.

Here’s what my neighborhood looked like this morning.

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“Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.”
― Sylvia Plath

And now I’ll be laying under piles of blanks watching netflix, drinking tea and taking every vitamin possible.

-xo

 

 

Friday Funnies

Happy Friday!

Here’s my Friday Funnies for this week!

1. We can’t get away from this song and I don’t think it’s a bad thing, every time I hear it I just have to turn it up and I love this version with Mark Ronson and The Dancing Grannies. It’s noted that all senior citizens in the video did their own stunts! I love it. 🙂

 

2. THIS – it’s just adorable. Beluga whales are known to be pretty friendly and often pose for pictures. I think I even have my own photo with a posing Beluga at Sea World somewhere (circa 1993). I love the way this Beluga seems to be dancing with the music and Mariachi band…. it’s so cute I might burst!

 

Cheers to another week down and another weekend to enjoy!

Modern General

We are half way there! I always feel a bit more cheerful on Wednesday, half way is always better than Tuesday. Me and Tuesday have issues. BUT today was frantic! Was it just me? I ran into 3-4 people who felt like we were all running non-stop, it left me wanting Modern Generals coffee with a side of whipped cream, my headphones and some good tunes. You know, my kind of zen moment.

Since I was craving this place so much today I thought I’d share some pictures I snapped last weekend, if you want to check them out online here’s there website —  Modern General

I’ve quickly fallen in love with Santa Fe’s new cafe, top to bottom it’s perfect.

 

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^^yes, that is whipped cream in my coffee, it made my life^^

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^^Modern General is serving breakfast/lunch items such as breakfast and lunch sandwhichs, egg strata, granola with fruit, and super cute and yummy Czech kolache. They also have smoothies, wheatgrass shots and  green or fruit juices^^

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^^the ‘Mill’ station has hand soap, dish soap, lotions as well as dried goods/grains which are all organic and sustainable. They will soon have gluten free flours that you can buy in bulk too! One of my favorite things were the bottles you could buy to fill your soaps with and then bring them back to be refilled^^

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^^one of everything….please?! Also, how cute are those tulips which were e v e r y w h e r e <3^^

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Santa Fe has been needing a spot just like this, so if you are a local or just a visitor go check them out, pick up some coffee (with whipped cream!) a garden rake, a cactus, some hand soap – whatever you need or whatever you don’t know you need yet, they’ve go it and you’ll be so charmed by the whole place.

5 reasons I shouldn’t be on social media

Hi,

Here are 5 reasons I shouldn’t be on social media.

1. It’s a total time suck and for someone (like me) who can and does think of 1,001 things to do before I should actually start the thing I most need to be doing… it’s just a goal killer.

2. It creates a million little tv’s in my head all playing different things at different volumes. I just need one tv, one station and one volume. This means it makes me the most unfocused person alive, that might be a slight dramatization BUT know that’s how it makes me feel.

3. It makes me play the comparison game like nobodies business, all day, every day, all night, every night and I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT. Ain’t nobody got time for that. As mature as I would like to say I am and as much as I know comparison is ‘the thief of joy’… it’s also just like my blood brother and it forces me to play this game everyday. It’s just like part of the contract.

4. It is just like the pesky/draining friend who you don’t have the will power to just stop being friends with, so you let them (it) interrupt your favorite TV shows, conversations with your significant other, time relaxing, sitting at stop lights… because god forbid we actually feel alone for a moment or feel connection and contentment in real life.

5. It makes my slight OCD, over thinking, sensitive brain go into over drive so by the end of the day it often feels like a bomb was dropped and I’ve been hit by a truck. I can’t let go of the thinking, the analyzing, the comparing and the basic…. waste of my life, time I spend on it.

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^^Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bear bad fruit.– James Allen^^ sounds easy enough…

So there is my rant. On one hand I feel good knowing that I’ve figured out that social media isn’t always the healthiest past time for me. On the other hand I know it’s like a drug I can’t quit. I have this fear of deleting it all and then being totally lost by everyone… so basically I think I’m scared of losing ‘friendships’ because it’s not as easy to stay in touch etc… Is that a real fear? I kind of don’t think so but it makes me panic every time I even remotely consider jumping ship from social media.

What is my point? Gosh, I don’t know I just really wanted to tell you that I don’t think social media is good for me. Can you just accept that, nod and we can both go on with our day? I want you to know that I really do have a very over thinking, sensitive and slight OCD mind that makes all of these things true for me : http://www.puckermob.com/lifestyle/14-things-only-overthinkers-will-understand#close which makes social media a soul sucking time waste.

Maybe one day I’ll quit maybe one day I’ll really realize that it’s not real connection. For now the love/hate relationship  continues and the daily abuse on my mental/spiritual psyche continues (over dramatization again).  Perhaps I’ve just grown so used to feeling bad and comparing my life to everyone else that I can’t give it up, perhaps I really don’t think my voice/opinion matter so I let others loose lips (statuses) really bring me down or annoy me.

It’s all so silly though no matter what is true, social media is one of those things that makes me wish I was born in a different time or a different place. HELLO LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRE! Just kidding, I probably would be the worst pioneer, country girl e v e r.

totes peace, love and hope….

-xox

 

Friday Funnies

Hi, It’s Friday!

We’ve survived another week or we almost have, 3 more hours till 5p.m. here in New Mexico. Do you have any fun Valentine’s Day plans? Do you hate Valentine’s Day? I’m somewhere in-between, some years I love it and some years I hate it and this year I’m indifferent.

But, to pick up your Friday afternoon I wanted to share some Friday Funnies with you:

1. Sophia Grace and Rosie meet Nicki Minaj – if you haven’t seen any Sophie Grace/Rosie videos then you need to get on that stat. I can’t believe that Sophia Grace is 8, she is such a diva!

 

2. Daddy/Daughter Dance to ‘Uptown Funk’ – these two it’s too cute, I love that this Dad does this with his little girl and they both have some great moves. I can’t watch without the biggest grin!

 

There you have it, hope these brightened your afternoon because they haven’t stopped making me smile. Cheers to you and the weekend! Have a glass of champagne for me to celebrate or not celebrate Valentine’s!

-xox