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Today is Friday, the first Friday in Autumn, my favorite season. I treated myself to a dirty chai this morning and while standing in line waiting to order I realized this one thing.
I’m so thankful I don’t have a Texas accent.
I’m so overwhelmingly thankful I don’t have one.
I spent my life growing up in Southern New Mexico where Texas was placed on a very high pedestal, for everything. I spent a large portion of my 29 years wanting so badly to have that Texas accent. If I had it, “it” would have all just clicked and life would have made sense and been perfect, or so I had thought. It’s been along time since I’ve thought about these things but this morning I felt this overwhelming sense of thankfulness for the mere fact I didn’t have that accent.
It’s funny how badly we can want or strive for things that ultimately make no difference in our lives, perhaps it’s the Universes way of helping us see what is really important and what’s not. There was a period of my life when I thought there was nothing higher to achieve than living outside Austin, TX, having a graduate degree + the nice car, and that dang accent. Boy, have the times changed. I’m so grateful for my rough and tumble life experience that led me far away from that 16 year old dream, which now is s o laughable to me as I wait for my coffee on Friday morning.
Little reminders like this are so life-giving to me, it was like this nudge saying “you’re alright kid, you’re right where you need to be”. Which to be frank is hard to know as an adult – it’s fucking hard to know if you’re doing all the right things, if you’re heading down the right path, if you made all the best/right decisions. It sucks, adulting can suck so I’ll take all the little nudges I can.
As the seasons change and we are at the Autumn Equinox it’s natures way of reminding us to slow down, to re-envision and to re-energize our goals and our life. I always find the start of this season to be the perfect time to set my intent for myself, to incubate seedlings of growth that I hope will flourish come Spring. I’m grateful for the person in front of me today ordering their coffee with their Texas accent, I’m grateful for the memory of how much I wanted one, I’m grateful that I never got what I thought I wanted, I got so, so much more than that.
I’ve been blogging more frequently over here at From Good Intentions, it’s a shared creative space that I think you might enjoy. It’s alot less heavy and messy then this space, my space 🙂 I’m reserving this little corner to share lots of my real talk ideas, lots of my thoughts that get mulled around in my mind for too long and need words to attach too. Today, on FGI I shared 4 Autumn Rituals you can do to both enjoy the season and invite Autumn into your home and life.
All the love,
YOUR LARGEST FEAR CARRIES YOUR GREATEST GROWTH
Comfort zones are a bitch… Adulting is hard and it’s just too easy to get stuck in the responsiblity mud. I’m not sure about you – but the sticky, sinking feeling of what I should do or be at 28 years old is not the place I want to find myself trapped in, as much as I am trapped there. Trapped in everyone else’s expectations of what my life should look like, who I should be.
But, I get scared. Scared of social situations of communicating clearly and well, and of being liked. Will I be enough? Will I be interesting? Am I boring? Do I make sense? all constant thoughts in my head.
ENOUGH. Enough with the mind chatter and fear. Enough with the worry, the added stress because, I am enough.
I stepped through my comfort zone last weekend and attended this ‘Ladies Celebrating Ladies‘ event, Shibori workshop from Amy with For The Love and dipped our gloved hands into the coolest vats of indigo. We chatted, sweated a little and ate FoodGore’s ‘Girl Gang’ ice cream. In the end, my heart seriously was warmed and I had an awesome tote bag.
I was nervous, I didn’t communicate the best I could. But, I showed up. It was so worth it. The things that scare us ultimately lead to some of the most impactful/heartfelt moments. I was brave and realized what friends, amazing lady friends I have and could have if I just keep breathing and keep walking through this comfort zone.
“Real change is difficult at the beginning, but gorgeous at the end. Change begins the moment you get the courage and step outside your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Roy T. Bennett
-Ciao loves, xoxox
Well hello July, hello Summer, hello you! It’s been awhile, it’s been a full 2016 with lots of highs and lows for me, if you didn’t know I’ve taken a bit of a break from this blog. Why? Well, I’ve been blogging over here at From Good Intentions – but here’s the big secret [i’ve missed Jane the Philosopher so much]. Who knew? I didn’t. This little space of mine created in 2011 has been a consistent source of ‘home’ to me a place for me to share my thoughts, my aspirations, and my less than perfect creative takes on food, life and love.
So, here’s a big cheers to TLC. I’ll be giving some tender loving care to this space, and most importantly to myself real soon. To be honest I can’t wait.
BUT in the meantime here’s my F A V O R I T E “healthy” pancake recipe. I can’t take the credit, it’s from my favorite Irish guy, Donal Skehan! – these are gluten free and full off good for you stuff like oat flour, chai seeds, blueberries, bee pollen and they’re cooked in coconut oil, so in the end there are no h a r d f e e l i n g s!
What you need:
1 cup oat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp chia seeds
Pinch of sea salt
1/2 cup milk (almond or dairy)
2 large eggs, separated
1 cup blueberries
1 tbsp coconut oil
Honey, and bee pollen, to serve
What you do:
Put all the dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl, mix well and make a well in the center.
Mix the milk and egg yolks in a separate bowl. Add to the dry ingredients and mix until well blended. In a clean bowl, whisk the egg whites until they hold soft peaks. Fold gently into the batter until combined.
Add a handful of the blueberries to the batter and fold in.
Melt the coconut oil in a large frying pan over a medium heat and add a small ladleful of the mixture to the hot pan. Cook for about 2–3 minutes on each side, or until golden brown.
Serve pancakes with blueberries, a drizzle of honey, and bee pollen.
TGIF people! Be back with you all soon!
I haven’t known what to say to you in about 6 months. I’m sorry. I’m really only sorry because I value consistency and I have not been consistent. The thing is, I feel like a hot mess. I’m trying to cope with more tea and less wine, more quite time and less mindless activities. I’m trying to be an adult but my mind often wanders everywhere but where it’s supposed to be.
Have you ever taken a big leap? Like, a leap in a very personal way? Have you ever bargained with your conscious and locked up your negativity to the hope of a newness and success? Well, I have and in lots of little ways I failed. I failed and I got scared so… I put those (silly) dreams away, locked them up tight in favor of the normal 9-5 life. The hardest part of it all is acting like I’m still worth those dreams that I’ve sealed back up. Logically I know that I’m worth it, I know that by just being me I’m worthy of love and happiness and success but… there’s a place inside that doesn’t buy it. And that’s the hardest thing to live with day in and day out. It’s confusing too in a way that it’s hard to let myself feel inspired or moved by things in fear that it might unlock those dreams again.
I see my creativity and inspiration trying to leak out in little ways like getting teary at commercials, enjoying the perfect sunset a little bit more or feeling moved by the generosity of others, whenever I start to really be moved by something, anything I try to just hide those feelings and thoughts away.
The hardest thing to realize is that while circumstance can be beneficial or not, good or bad, confusing or joyful…I’m the one that failed myself. The circumstance didn’t and doesn’t really matter but any failing that happened had much more to do with me and what I believe to be true about myself.
That’s a tough thing realize when your 28 because I always thought I’d have it figured out by now. I realize, I’m not sure if we ever have it figured out but if I do want to both live a life of love and love myself I have to start acting like I’m not my own worst enemy. I kind of have to step of up to the plate. Success is scary to me, scary because you could not succeed. I’d like to start thinking my dreams and my inspired thoughts aren’t silly and put a little more faith and grace towards them and me… just to see what happens and where it all takes me.
I haven’t known where to start with so many things, I over think it and in the process I stall. I have no idea how to stop doing that but going into 2016 I’m going to try my hardest to just go for it… whatever it is.
“Life has been some combination of fairy-tale coincidence and joie de vivre and shocks of beauty together with some hurtful self-questioning.” – Sylvia Plath
Song that’s on repeat right now: Delicate, Damien Rice
Hello! I can’t believe we are half way through June, 2015 feels a little like a whirlwind. Seth and I have been going in opposite directions lately and trying to soak up any chance we can to spend time together. The other day we had a few hours free around sunset and headed to Cross of the Martyrs in Santa Fe. It’s a great look out for the whole city and surrounding area. We were lucky enough to catch a few glimpses of the rain storm that came in later that night.
^^New Mexico truly does have some of the most dreamy cloud scenes^^
^^look at the color palette, perf right?^^
^^this photo that Seth snapped makes me feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff looking over the ocean, when in fact my view was all desert^^
^^he’s my favorite, i made him wear my rain jacket in hopes of a couples photo that didn’t turn out but i got this great shot which may just end up in a frame^^
^^ALWAYS making me laugh…. <3^^
^^Santa Fe, there are moment where i love you and there are moment when i don’t love you so much, this day and in this moment you were pretty great, thanks for that^^
I had originally thought I would post a blog about Glossier today and how much I 1. love it and 2. think it does exactly what it claims… but then I got totally distracted by some clips of Oprah’s Lifeclass with Brene Brown. I’ve linked the video below and encourage you to spare 15 minutes to just listen to these 5 clips.
I admire Brene Brown and everything she puts out there I just totally eat up, it’s so on my level that sometimes I just gush about it. Learning about and talking about the unseen feelings and emotions of life just is my favorite thing.
I loved this quote from the class snippets when Brene talks about bravery. She says something along the lines of “You can’t do anything brave if your concerned with what people will think”.
She also address perfectionism and that was just like a shot through the heart for me. She refers to perfectionism as armor (20 ton shield) that we put on to protect ourselves. Brene says that the big 3 pieces of armor we use are perfectionism, numbing and foreboding joy. Here’s my favorite quote from the clip “when perfectionism is driving shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the annoying backseat driver.” She goes on to say that we struggle with perfectionism in areas where we feel most vulnerable to shame. “Perfectionism is a way of thinking that says, If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect I can avoid or minimize criticism, blame and ridicule… all perfectionism is, is the 20 ton shield we carry around hoping it will keep us from getting hurt. When in truth what it does is keep us from being seen” – I MEAN WOW!!!
It’s so interesting to me because sometimes I think I/we use perfectionism as a positive as a trait that lets people know we are good at something and that we don’t stop until something is right when in reality perfectionism is a trait we hide behind.
I know that initially watching, listening and enjoy Oprah’s Lifecalss or Super Soul Sunday’s kind of makes me sound like a middle aged women who lives with a bunch of cats. But, you should just give it a chance. I know it seems cheesy but there is so much goodness and wisdom in these videos. I was poking around after watching these clips and realized that Brene has teamed up with Oprah to offer a 12 part online class which I’m thinking I’d love to take part in so may splurge the $70 to be apart.
So, real talk for today is Brene Brown. If you haven’t heard of her I highly recommend her books ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ and ‘I Thought It Was Just Me’ she also has a G R E A T Ted talk that you can google if you have the time.
It snowed here yesterday morning for a good 4 hours. I woke up to the fluffiest snow flakes falling outside my window and was even more surprised when they kept going but by noon they had changed to more of a rain/drizzle and by the afternoon all traces were gone. Spring snow showers can sometimes feel like the strangest thing, I love snow in the right season but seeing it cover all the beautiful new flowers and bits of green made my heart a bit sad. I tell you this to let you know it’s still a bit chilly here in Santa Fe and as I type this I have a sweatshirt, wool booties (my favorite souvenir from Ireland) and a fluffy fleece blanket on.
One of my favorite breakfasts to eat when it’s cold outside is oatmeal, in the cooler months I eat it steaming hot and in the warmer months I eat ‘overnight’ oats which are cold. In the mornings I’m scrambling to get out the door in time for work and make my oatmeal in canning jars and eat it as soon as I’m settled in at my desk. Those canning jars come in handy for SO many things… actually ALL the things. If I’m on point I have my little jar all ready to go and waiting for it’s 1/2 cup of boiling water from the stove in the morning but If I’m not this only takes about 5 minutes in the morning, which I can normally spare.
You can make yours any way you like, bowl, canning jar, coffee mug…
Here’s what you need:
- 1/2 cup oats (I buy the gluten-free rolled oats from TJ’s)
- 1 dash of cinnamon or cardamom
- 2-4 dashes of chia seeds
- 6 crushed up walnuts, pecans or almonds
- 1/2 a handful of dried cherries or raisins
- 2 teaspoons of jam or preserves (I put these in, in the morning right before adding hot water)
- optional: regular milk or nut milk
Here is what you do:
- place all ingredients in container of choice (don’t use plastic since you will be pouring hot, hot water in there)
- pour in 1/2 cup + a splash of boiling water
- cover and let sit for at least 5 minutes (canning jars are perfect for this because you can just screw on the lids)
- stir and enjoy on the go or at the table
- optional: small pour of milk once you’ve let oatmeal sit for at least 5 minutes
There are so many variations you can make with oatmeal, the options are pretty endless but here are a few of my other favorites:
banana and almond butter (slice 1/2 a banana and put in oatmeal before adding hot water, this allows the banana to almost disintegrate and creates a great texture and flavor)
chocolate chips and pecans
apples and cinnamon
scoop or two of pumpkin puree or pumpkin butter
Since the winter chill hasn’t left Northern New Mexico yet I’m still committed to my hot oatmeal, my wool booties and a blanket in every room. Not to mention endless cups of strong black tea, it’s my favorite wake me up, pick me up or settle my mind routine. If you like a good strong black tea my two favorites are Barry’s Tea (Gold Blend) and Yorkshire Gold (loose). I can find Barry’s tea at World Market and Yorkshire Gold at Whole Foods.
There is one positive thing about spending an afternoon in tears. For me, like many, my eyes get puffy after a tear fest but for some miraculous reason they look good, the puffiness makes my eyes pop in a way that feels like it’s the worlds tiny gift for my emotions.
I had a really rough day yesterday and it left me wondering about so, so many things. If I’m normally introspective and adrift in my own thoughts when I cry and am emotional it’s about 10 times more intense.
Yesterday I was thinking a lot about anxiety and how for me it’s so very rooted in fear. It steams from fear of certain things and causes fear, sometimes debilitating fear. I read that when we are experiencing fear that most important thing to do is to act. We need to just move forward with any kind of action because fear itself causes idleness.
I’m so scared of idleness, of the thought of complacency that sometimes I can’t move forward. It’s so hypocritical. I’m so hypocritical. I’ve realized that I’m so stunned with my own fear of not achieving that I’m … not achieving. I’m not really giving things 100%. I’m merely preoccupying myself.
I am the master at filling my minutes, hours and days with the busy work of life and accepting the busyness as achievement. Conquering busy doesn’t deserve an award or our whole society would get one.
It takes so much guts to go after what you want especially as a twenty something year old who really has no idea what they are looking for. I envy those people who seem like it all just clicked so early for them. I could fake it and make it seem like my world has clicked for me, but it hasn’t. I’m reminded in this season of my life that things take time. Time takes time. To each there own. Persistence, loyalty, joy and dedication matter more in the long run then how quick you found your finish line.
Can I just repeat that to myself 342 times a day… “Persistence, loyalty, joy and dedication matter more in the long run then how quick you found your finish line”
Two other phrases that have been helping me out this month are “get okay with it” and “destiny is demanding”.
I need the reminder that life isn’t peaches and rainbows it’s about hard work strung together with humility and grace. Say yes to more of the right things, stop hanging out with negative people, be more in the moment, cook good food, sleep enough, take long walks, ask questions and have goals. I’m trusting the rest will just fall into place when it’s supposed. The timing of life is just that, the timing of life and I just want to set aside my fear and be up for the surprise.
Did you survive Easter weekend? Are you still on a sugar high from the sweet treats?
Well this morning I felt like I had been hit by a truck and ended up in a sugar crash coma. All signs of a truly great weekend if you ask my head and heart and not my body which has convinced me to go to bed by 9pm every night this week.
I wanted to follow up on my Sweetheart posts with some fun Seth and I had this weekend. I’ve started my Sweetheart posts to help Seth and I have more ‘unique’ dates opposed to constantly watching Netflix or heading to our favorite restaurants. You can see my first Sweetheart post here!
Seth surprised me on Friday by getting off work early and taking me to Albuquerque for a fun night out! He had everything from someone watching the dog to dinner planned out and a massage at a great spa the next morning. Albuquerque may just be 55 minutes away but sometimes you just need a break from your own city routine.
Here are some of my picks from this visit to ABQ:
Coffee, Zendo – I feel like I’m giving away a secret here but have you tried a Turkish latte? Well, they are my favorite kind of latte (with almond milk) hot or iced they are so mouthwateringly good! Zendo does it right too, they mix the cinnamon and cardamon into the honey pour the hot espresso over that till it’s totally mixed and then dump it into your milk product. If you haven’t tried one I highly recommend it and if your in the ABQ area go to Zendo and try one there, you won’t be sorry about it.
Dinner, Artichoke Cafe – I had the chicken breast with the best pesto spätzle e v e r and Seth the duck with the most killer home-made gnocchi.
Hotel, Parq-Central – SO nice you guys, totally clean and beautifully decorated. It was probably one of the nicest hotels I’ve stayed at in ABQ and I’ve been visiting the city my whole life. Oh and for any ghost enthusiasts (no-one… just me?!) the hotel is a newly renovated building that used to be a hospital and psychiatric facility. We did not have any strange experiences while there though.
Drinks, Apothecary Lounge – It’s a rooftop bar that has indoor and outdoor seating and beautiful views of the entire downtown area. It’s beautiful both at sunset and at night when all the lights start glittering!
Breakfast, The Grove – If you’re from New Mexico then you have probably heard of The Grove, it’s a very popular breakfast and lunch eatery in Albuquerque. Seth and I find it worth the wait and crowds every time, we’ve loved every breakfast and lunch dish we’ve tried plus they serve mimosas and have kick ass cupcakes and macaroons!
Massage, La Bella Spa – It was my first time getting to try this place out but it was very relaxing and I had a great massage. It’s true to it’s name and your visit is complete with slippers, robes and access to amenities like the sauna and hot and cold plunges.
Sunday, Easter day we decided to take our time and make a really great dinner. We spent most of the afternoon prepping and cooking but were able to fit in a few long neighborhood walks and mimosas in!
^^On most afternoon walks you can find me gushing over the neighborhood tulips^^
^^I have a crush on both of these guys…swoon!^^
^^If you haven’t been by the Roundhouse lately you should take stroll, she’s looking beautiful!^^
^^Kaune’s Market is just charming in the Springtime^^
^^Proper Sunday roast in the works^^
^^Smiled because all the yellow and blue in this shot^^
^^And let them eat cake!^^
There you have it a surprising and simple weekend!
Being an adult is hard, it’s full of responsibility, pressure and fears…It’s a struggle. What makes all those scary things more bearable is spending time with the one(s) you love. It’s so easy to stick to what you’ve always done but what’s more fun, thrilling and invigorating to the mundane(ness) of just being an adult is to just step out in surprise and trust that fun and enjoyment of life can come in many, many forms. Sometimes we just need to step outside our heads and our homes and take the smallest steps towards adventure. Adventure could be the next town over or the dive bar you’ve been to scared to check out or even picnicking in a park for the afternoon. Sometimes life doesn’t afford us the chance to jet set to other other countries and experience other cultures first hand but that doesn’t mean adventure is dead it just means you have to look for it and be committed to finding it where you are. I believe that when we do that we start creating a more beautiful and interesting life.